This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize
