his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Randomize
