Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
