I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
i just google imaged poop.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
