I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
