this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
he quoted the bible to break up with me
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
