better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
