i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
