conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
