He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Randomize
