3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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