please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
