I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Randomize
