Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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