plz talk dirty to me
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
