He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
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dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
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His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
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