I don't usually arrange sex via text message
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
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