I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize