you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
