see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
