this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
We are all done wearing pants today
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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