glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize