Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
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