Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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