I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
