Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
