you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Randomize
