You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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