quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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