it's too hot outside to masturbate.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
