so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
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He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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