i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
