Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
