Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
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