I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
