i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
