I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
