her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
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