My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Redeem this text for a blowjob
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Randomize
