He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
