did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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