I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
