I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
