at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
