She's JV to your varsity
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I need to wash the frat house off of me
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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