I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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