I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Randomize
