I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
