Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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