He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
just tell him i said nine months
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
