dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Randomize
