So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
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Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
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You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
there is puke in my bra ... again
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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