He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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