Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
