you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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