Barsexuality is the new black.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
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