Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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