I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
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