Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Randomize
