Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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