I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
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