Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
