Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
