if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
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