Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
