dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
