Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
we're so committed to being not committed
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
