Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize
