im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Randomize
