I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
