Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
a search helicopter?!
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
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