So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
