I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
