so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
