A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
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